Engagements and Weddings

This week we talked about the stages of being engaged, married, and then having children.  I thought it was really interesting that someone said: "You're not engaged until there's a ring and a date."  That is so true!  In today's society (and yes, even here at BYU-Idaho) there are so many people who say that they are engaged when they don't even have a date set for when they are getting married, or a ring to signify to everyone that they really are committing to the prospect of marriage.  Things should be done in their proper time and order.  Moving on to the actual wedding...The wedding should be nice and tasteful, but it should not be so extravagant that it causes problems for you, your fiancee, or your families.  You should not have to go into extreme debt for it (or any debt for that matter!).  Remember that the temple ceremony is the most important part of this event.  You and your spouse are being sealed for time and all eternity.  Nothing is more important than that. 

Finding the Right Person

This week we talked a lot about dating and about characteristics that go into a relationship.  Dating is the time to find the person that will be our eternal companion.  When dating someone, we need to make sure that we do actually care about and love that person and are not making a "misattribution of love": thinking that we are in love with someone just because we have a hormonal rush, a stomach full of butterflies, or sweaty palms.  Dating is also an opportunity to find out what similarities the two of you share and, when you get serious enough about commitment, how the two of you feel about such things as: the division of household chores, punishment, time spent on callings, etc.  You also need to watch out for red flags when you are dating.  Some things may not be so obvious, but you need to pay attention.  You also need to make sure that you are not just tolerating certain characteristics of someone.  No, the other person will not be perfect, but you do actually have to like them.  Something that always helps me with this is a handout that I received in Young Women's.  It says: "Don't settle for the one you can live with; wait for the one you can't live without."  If I ever find myself thinking about the characteristics and habits of a guy and then thinking "Yeah, I could live with that," I know that that is something I need to be cautious about. 

Gender Roles and Differences

This week has been really interesting talking about gender roles and differences.  I know that there are differences between the genders and their respective roles.  It makes me so sad (and a bit angry) that the world cannot face that fact, especially when it is staring them straight in the face!  I do believe that women should have certain rights and equal opportunities, but the world needs to wake up and realize that there are some things that women just cannot do (ex. firefighting, certain positions in the military, etc).  I am so grateful to have the Gospel in my life and to know the true roles of males and females in this life.  I do believe that husbands and wives should share some responsibilities, but not all of them.  For instance, the husband should be the main breadwinner in the family, doing all he can to let the wife stay in the home and nurture and care for the children.  The husband should also assist in nurturing and caring for the children, but it is the mother's primary responsibility.  Husbands and wives should share household and yard chores in whatever way they see as equal and fair.  It is not necessarily all of the wife's responsibility to cook and do laundry or all of the husband's responsibility to mow and care for the yard.  Some chores and responsibilities can be done by either or both spouses. 

It's Not All About You

When you are a member of a family, your life is interwoven with the lives of your family members.  What happens to one of you, whether good or bad, definitely affects the other people in your family.  I have seen this in my own family so many times, whether it's that someone is stressed, upset, angry, rebellious, tired, excited, or happy.  That person and their emotions then have a resounding impact on the rest of the family.  But instead of ignoring that person, we can either help of celebrate with them.  As a family, we should lift and support each other in any way we can when someone is going through a hard time and celebrate with them when they are happy or excited about something.  That is what a family is all about-being there for each other at any time, no matter what.

Relationships and Rules

I never really thought about all of the little relationships in my family, the subsets.  As I look at my family now and examine our relationships with each other, I realize that there are a lot of subsets.  But subsets aren't always good, are they?  What if two or more people in the family are in a subset against another member of the family, say the kids against mom and dad?  Sometimes subsets can be good, but there may sometimes be a bad side to them.  Just some food for thought.  I also never really thought about how many unspoken rules there were in my family.  It's crazy to think about how many unspoken rules a family may have and what those rules may be about.  I love learning about all of the different aspects of the family, especially the one's I never knew even existed!