Family Finances

This week we talked about family finances.  Finances are not just a one person thing.  Finances are a family thing.  The husband and wife of a family need to sit down and make up the budget and pay the bills together-not separately or just one person being responsible.  Also, the children of the family need to be involved in the finances too.  Parents don't need to tell the children every nitty, gritty detail, but they do need to tell the children where the money is going.  Parents should not just say, "we don't have the money."  This can cause children untold amounts of stress (I know it did to me).  Parents also need to teach their children how to handle money wisely.  I believe that the best way to do this is by example.  Children see what you do more than they hear what you say.  Teach chidlren to pay their tithing, to budget their money, to save, to exercise self-control, to avoid debt at all costs, etc.  Make finances a family matter and include the Lord.  He is the only way that you will succeed. 

Have Family Councils!

This week we talked about using the council method, not only in church, but in our families.  The most important councils in the church are the family councils.  Making decisions should be a family matter, not just a husband matter, not just a husband and wife matter.  The children need to be included too.  When people are involved in something they are more likely to feel commitment to it; they are a part of it.  In the councils, many perspective can be gained that would have been lost otherwise.  Even just one perspective or insight can make all the difference.  Also, family councils don't have to be with the entire family.  You can have a family council just between father and son, mother and daughter, father and daughter, etc.  It is against our earthly nature to make decisions with other people.  Our instinct is to make decisions alone.  This is not God's way.  God's way of decision-making is to do it together.  Satan will try and drive you apart by having you make decisions alone.  Do not fall into this trap!  When using the council method, follow the example of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve - express your love for each other; begin and end your council with a prayer; speak openly, in order, and not trying to win; discuss to consensus, not compromise; and above all, SEEK GOD'S WILL.  When you recive God's will, act on it.  If you do this in your families, you can never go wrong.   

Family Crises

This week we mainly talked about family stressors and crises and how to effectively deal with them.  Stressors and crises can be anything from a family member being abused by another family member to the family's car breaking down, from a small child needing to go to the Emergency Room to an elderly family member dying.  But whatever the stressor or crises, it is defined by how the family reacts to it.  What may be an extreme crises to one family may only be a small stressor to another.  It all depends on your reaction.  But whatever it is, remember to pull together as a family-work together as a family, talk together about the event, be there for each other.  That will make all the difference.  Always remember that the experience is bigger than the event.  What may seem completely horrible and terrifying right now may actually turn out to be an experience that brings your family together like nothing else could have.  When working through a crisis don't go into extreme denial, avoidance, or find a scapegoat (Lauer & Lauer, p. 327-328).  Take responsibility, affirm your own and your family's worth, balance self-concern with other-concern, reframe, and find and use available resources (Lauer & Lauer, p. 329-330).

Be Faithful and Set Boundaries

Just because you are married does not mean that you are automatically safe and immune to temptations and extramarital attractions.  Just because you are married does not mean that you can stop working on maintaining a good relationship and assume that everything is "fine and dandy."  When we are married we need to maintain a good, strong, faithful, relationship with our spouse.  This means that we need to cleave to our spouse and to noone else.  If you are having marital problems, do not go and tell other people about them, whether you are seeking advice and counsel or not.  Those people will then have that image of your spouse in their minds and they will have a hard time changing that image.  Often, people will hold grudges long after you and your spouse have forgiven each other and made up.  And if someone starts telling you their marital problems, tell them to stop it - you don't want to hear it.  Another danger of relying on another emotionally is that you can start an emotional affair - being deeply, emotionally connected with someone who is not your spouse.  Do not EVER be alone with a member of the opposite sex.  Not saying that all people would do this, but being alone with someone other than your spouse just leaves the door wide open for temptation to enter in.  Just don't even go there.  When married, we also need to not flirt or have fantasies about other people, whether real or fictional (book and movie characters).  Avoid pornography at all costs!  That goes for men and women!  We need to remember to not wish that our spouse was more like "so-and-so."  Remember what is reality and what is not.  As husband and wife you need to cleave to your spouse - help, strengthen, and support them.  Cleave to your spouse and noone else.